Reactions. Don't try to convince yourself that it's a fashion ring or something else. He plays like it's a middle school. Who wants to live with someone like that? Im sorry but your husband sounds like an arse,if he knows you already feel insecure about there "friendship" then he should put your feelings before anyone elses and end the friendship or like you said at least involve you in it,I think what makes it worse is the fact he goes on about how great she is etc. I've never been in this situation before and would appreciate your input. She can meet you and the children. It really shocked me and has made me feel suspicious around all my male friends now, especially because many men I know are at that mid-life crisis stage. Thanks Ren, that was sweet of you to say. When you know your man is with another person, it's normal to want to feel superior to them. 1. Married men don't tend to tell unless you see their wedding band and bisexuals are everywhere. Going above and beyond to help you out, not once or twice but over and over again is among the obvious signs that a married man loves you. In this article, we'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a success. Married men know the power of a charm offensive. I would not like it either TBH but from an outside point of view I don't think hes doing anything wrong, yes you don't like it but he can choose his own friends, after all he was friends with her before you and they socialised together then. OH is always keen to introduce me to his female friends and it's nice to spend time together in a big group. YOU should come first. And he has picked up on it. It's possible that he'll get upset when you tell him the truth. Not calling to leave a message was inconsiderate. When I ever I work from home, I ping the two of them to see if they want to go to happy hour (and invite my sister and everyone else I know in the neighborhood). As far as I understand it doesn't matter in the eyes of the courts even if a person cheated, which is unfortunate. Is there a cycle of her doing this, you getting angry. . Though I was really out of shape and considered myself unattractive at the time, I had made a lot of money in a single day, far from the norm, but the people I was working with probably thought I made that much regularly, the amount got embellished, and word got around the place. Her getting angry, apologies, love and back around again? My heart, however, says I would go completely nuts if this was my DH. Said one about the idea of a man he didnt know well socializing with his wife: My reaction would be to act like Im cool with it then insult him constantly when hes not around.. So why did I tell him we could talk after he got divorced? For those who admitted concern, jealousy was a factor, albeit a nebulous one. That summer we'd go out every weekend to the local. If it is purely as just friends, then yes. I want to discuss our future.". However, if she smiles more at you than other people around you, there may be something there. Id feel some unease. Single men never. . Started November 16, 2022, I'm constantly worried about doing inappropriate things that may inadvertently signal to a married man that I'm open to an affair. These hypotheticals are situationsmen and women traveling together for business; a married man being a primary caregiver for children during the day; women identifying as sports fansthat to greater and lesser degrees didnt exist until relatively recently. It also means deflecting their attempts to get alone time with you. If it's all so innocent and just as friends then there is no reason for it to be kept secret from his wife is there. Be diligent and thorough. The signs I have seen from married men cruising for some "action" include: not telling their wives who they are with or where they are ("I'm working late"), lots of eye movement up and down your body when talking to you in a somewhat appreciative manner, buying you drinks instead of automatically assuming you're splitting the bill, spending a lot of time with you alone talking about YOU and not much about himself or work or current events or whatever. X. None of the above is compatible with a long-lasting, happy, faithful marriage. 2. Then upon your return was gushing about how wonderful/attractive/amazing he was? Many office affairs begin in similar situations. That part sounds especially shady to me. I'm curious about the male perspective on this. Like a few others have said, the length of time is not necessarily cause for concern (just seems odd given the time of day) but the way it played out wasn't right. in a tone like asking "is it really a big deal?" Are people who engage in affairs similar to sexual predators or are they basically people with poor impulse control? Drinking in someone's home - a woman with several men - husband not present - wife gets pissy when questioned - enough is drunk that the person can't drive and needs to sleep it off. Going out for drinks. I will also ask them how their wives and kids are, and talk to them about their family events if they try to take it personal or off track, to refocus them on their family rather than flirting with me. L143myself We were colleagues and I didn't have to work on projects closely with him. They get on really well. It was just friendly (although he was flattering about the way I look and he is clearly an attractive man) BUT I am not interested in any other way than friends. It will almost always add fuel to the fire. . I wake up at like 5:30 am not feeling well and notice she is not home. That's what we do, I can't speak for others. But she didn't do that, she turned it all around on him. reader, Honeypie+, writes (12 September 2013): Already have an account? Only respond to mail that is work related, and ignore any personal attempts. She complained. Second, if you want to hang out with other women, better ask yourself, "Why?" Also be especially careful if you go on business travel with them, because lots of cheating attempts happen then. 15. For example, they might eat a sandwich at their desks together now and then with a married man or lunch in the work cafeteria, but they don't go out drinking or eating unless it is expressly a business dinner or in groups with other people. So she rushes home and yells at me asking what my problem is and that it was a **** move texting her making her feel like a ****ty person and wife. It's not controlling to be wary of what your wife is up to when she is hanging out with a newly single woman and going to bars until closing. In addition, no one should be driving home after two or more drinks. If he has a negative response, call a trusted friend for support. I would bet my life savings (if I had any!) Of course, women have many reasons to smile. I was out for drinks the other night with someone quite senior to me who was married. Doing something wrong and then turning it around on someone else is childish. Started February 24, By In recent years, the dating world has seen the rise of a new approach to romantic relationships known as "Goblin Mode." 2022 Hearst UK is the trading name of the National Magazine Company Ltd, 30 Panton Street, Leicester Square, London, SW1Y 4AJ. I'm sure you all must have other issues and I'd really try to decide henceforth if things can be fixed or not as I absolutely would NOT tolerate this kind of disrespect and nonchalance from a spouse. That way, he has something to go by so if I'm not home by 10 (or the updated time) and it would be reasonable to assume something has gone wrong. Passive aggressively being angry about it afterwards does nothing but breed confusion. But something in my gut told me he was acting inappropriately, and sure enough he never got divorced. I've never had an affair nor had anyone cheat on me. It wouldn't be acceptable in my marriage. Finally she calls me back around 9:20 asking me whats up. My husband worked with this women but she recently got a different job. As we got older, more of our friends moved away for their own careers or fell out of touch. Of course, no relationship between two people is ever quite the same as any other. He often jokes about leaving his wife. Bigbedroom I've had nights out -- while in a LTR -- where I didn't come home until 6 hours or so after work. I think you are doing the right thing by broaching the subject before he goes away, get it all out in the open and try to get to the bottom of it once and for all. I text her saying "I woke up and my wife is still not home after 6 hours.".and that "I could understand a couple drinks for an hour or so but for 6 hours..?" What might be happening is that our jealous reptile brains havent caught up with new social rules and gender roles. We have been happily married for many years, and neither she nor I feel comfortable with a female employee going for drinks with mostly males. My head says that it is just a friendship, and that it is unreasonable to ban friendships. It's a variation of understanding you shouldn't ever put yourself in a 'compromising position', which means spending alone time/talk of any kind with a married man. I guess some background about me, I have not been in a ton of relationships before my wife, maybe 5 or 6 long term ones. But my friend raised the stakes by proposing similar hypothetical situations that werent as easy to dismiss. 2. Thanks. The OP's wife clearly has a distorted view of what a relationship and marriage is. from one night of drinking too much to divorce court. There are more opportunities for male-female socialization in the United States now than ever before. She also said she thought I would be asleep the whole time at that time in the morning (usually am) so that she thought Iwouldn'tt worry since I would be asleep. . I am not sure if she has any respect for you. I go out with my girlfriends, usually a dinner and drinks at the local dining place. I'm going out tomorrow afternoon with a married male coworker - his wife sent me a "hello" as a matter of fact. reader, loony89+, writes (12 September 2013): A Partying all night with other men is a boundary you should have let her know she can't cross. Avoid trying to compete with his partner. If your husband feels the need to go out with his unmarried male friends, 2 to 3 nights a week, then I'd suggest you take him back to his mother, and tell her to finish raising him, because no grown man, or no respectable loving husband, would ever think this was appropriate. Have there been infidelity/trust issues in the past? Made 16k one day, got embellished to 20k, word got out that I made that every week, which was not at all the case. It is illegal. I dont think you have the right to tell him he can't! This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. All Rights Reserved. Hope that makes sense. reader, dougbcoll+, writes (12 September 2013): A So anyways now its about 9am and I have heard nothing back. Room service and fresh linens and everybody all suited up and shit. (Still, he said, hed be OK with it.) Happy couples need time apart and . What if an attractive area parent brought his or her kid over for a play date while you were at work? They are pleasant to one another, but they don't make close friends or engage in heavy flirtation with people they work with. The main common denominator was that when I didn't respond, they didn't continue the attention. reply #4 James 9 years ago She has known him for around 2.5 years. Will this be a Red Flag for her? And if for some reason I didn't do that and he called me worried, I'd apologize. Doesn't bother her at all. The way she speaks to you, the way she acts like you're bothering her by showing concern, the way she acts flippant when you've been calling her and worried like why are you calling etcthat is UTTERLY disrespectful and she sounds like an immature 16 year old who's trying to stick it to her parents by being rebellious. Her work friends invite her out. It was a bank, one of the most screwed up work environments I've ever been in. You should trust your DH etc. You've been in a relationship for years. I text her saying "I guess since I am married I would never go out drinking with two women from work for 7 hours without you being there and that I dont know anyone that would be ok with this situation.". Feeling down or depressed is a common experience for many people at some point in their lives. Again, while I don't necessarily condone the amount of time (8 hours) she spent drinking with these guys, I don't see that infraction alone as necessitating a divorce, without at least a lot more effort to try to work something out. The horror. Registered Joined Jan 26, 2012 You might joke about things related to the office, or talk in groups of other people with them, but you don't spend much one on one time with them. cut out the caffeine, and ditched the sugar. One of my friends neighbors recently told him a provocative story about cable repair. If she cares about him as a friend then she should at least be curious to meet the love of his life and mother of his children ie. She puts relationship on hold. Id just feel funny, said another. I'm curious about the male perspective on this. She thinks that she is still single. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. Your feelings should be paramount. 66,747 1,187 55. Certainly, the phone in the purse was wrong. Earlier this year, I had to deal with a overly and overtly flirty co-worker; I just turned a blind eye/ear to whatever he said/did. answers from Chicago on October 30, 2008. Showed up at their bar at 7. I've been reading this forum with interest lately because of finding out recently about a couple of my married male friends who were caught engaging in affairs. Epstein says that in her personal experience, mixed-gender drinking situations easily cross become sexual for women, in ways that don't necessarily affect men. So, I think you are overreacting. Why not ask your wife to lunch? Its up to us, as always, to keep each other happy by working out the rules on our own. Started Tuesday at 03:06 AM, By My oh had a work friend like that, it turns out she was in love with him. It doesn't mean you should divorce, but you should certainly clarify your expectations and where the boundaries are. nah, Some men do go to the club to dance, listen to music. It's a confidence booster Flirting with an unavailable man can make you feel good about yourself without any pressure to. I can see a good gentleman in you. How would he react if you behaved like this? Is he doing it to wind u up, even if only partially. (You won't be happy if your wife is gone every night.) The three of us went out to dinner the first night - no problem. Parents don't belong in arguments between married couples. Your baby is going to wake up 2-5 times a night. Welcome to the Digital Spy forums. 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